My mother keeps asking for her mother, who died 30 years ago. Should I tell her the truth?

This is one of the most common and heartbreaking situations in dementia care, and there's no single right answer — but there is a better approach than insisting on the literal truth. When someone with dementia asks for a deceased loved one, they are living in a different reality — one where that person is still alive. Telling them "your mother died 30 years ago" forces them to experience the grief of that loss fresh each time, which can be traumatizing and is not therapeutically helpful. Instead, try "entering their reality" with empathy. You might say: "Tell me about your mother — what was she like?" This redirects the conversation to positive memories rather than re-traumatizing them with the news of a death. If they press — "but where is she?" — you might say "She isn't here right now" or "She's not able to visit right now." These responses are technically true without forcing a confrontation with grief. If the agitation or sadness persists, focus on the underlying feeling: "You're missing her. You love her very much." Validation of the emotion is more helpful than correction of the fact. This approach is sometimes called "validation therapy" and is supported by dementia care best practices. It's not lying — it's meeting your loved one where they are.